Back With Ex After the Other Woman Success Stories
15 people reveal what it's like to be 'the other woman'
Being cheated on is one of the worst — and sometimes unexpected — feelings in the world. Although many hear the stories of the person being cheated on, very seldom do those who are called "the other woman" get to tell their stories. And, in some cases, those are the ones that deserve to be heard the most. Whether it's to deliver a lesson learned for future preventative measures or to display that they are just as innocent as the "main" woman, being the "other woman" isn't always as clear cut as we'd like it to be.
Here's what 15 women say about their experiences — some unknowingly and some the total opposite — with being the other woman .
"The trust I had for him was so low from the start."
"I started out my last relationship as the 'other woman' and the trust that I had for him was so low from the start. We were with each other all the time and constantly keeping tabs on one another when we weren't together. I made no time for my friends and isolated myself from everything. I went from being confident and happy to embarrassingly insecure in myself and my relationship. So if you're thinking about it, just don't do it. There's so many other people out there and you should absolutely consider starting a relationship where you can trust the other person entirely because how it all started will always be in the back of your head." — Redditor kathyboh
"I really should have recognized the pattern…"
"I had this situation twice. Both times, the person had their foot out the door already when I met them and I honestly didn't know one was in a relationship initially — they just never talked about their significant other. We were only friendly, still, when I learned.
"Both relationships ended with me being cheated on. I'd like to say it's something I deserved falling for it twice, I really should have recognized the pattern, but the circumstances at the start of both relationships were so different I hadn't put together that it was the same thing.
"I was very trusting, blindsided both times, but I can take 'being too nice' as a personality trait." — Redditor brandnamenerd
"It very rarely works out."
"While there wasn't physical overlap, the guy kept me 'on hold' for four months while he was deciding what to do with his current girlfriend of seven years. When I said I was done waiting, that it was starting to feel gross and cheat-y, he immediately dumped her and started dating me.
"He ended up being resentful and mean towards me (I think it's partially because his guilt over how it began) for most of the three years we had together.
"After him dismissing multiple desperate pleas for couples counseling, I got sick of his behavior and ended up leaving him for another guy (ironically). He made my life hell because of it.
"Don't do it. It very rarely works out." — Redditor skydart
"We've been married for 16 years."
"I was technically the other woman but...
"We met online in the late '90s in a chat room. We were friends then online dating each other but not monogamous. He was in a relationship when we met. I did a lot of casual dating. He moved out of the place he shared with his girlfriend before we met face to face. When we met face to face we became monogamous. About six months later he moved to my state.
"After he moved out she would email him 'I wanna be/wish I could have been your (commoncoitusy)' for about two years every time she would get hammered.
"We've been married 16 years." — Redditor commoncoitusy
"I did worry about it a lot when we were first together…"
"I started as the other woman. He got a divorce (started within a month of us confessing our feelings for each other), did not date while he was getting divorced, went to counseling with his then-wife to tell her he was not interested in being married to her.
"He behaved as honorably as possible without lying to himself, me, or her, so I assumed that he cheated for the reason he said he did, which was that he was more in love with me than with her. I did worry about it a lot when we were first together, but he always behaved with transparency and integrity, so I came to trust him. We now have two kids and are married." — Redditor mjheil
"I think his eye has strayed."
"When I found out I was the other woman, I told that cheater I would be the only woman. Period. We've been married 27 years.
"If I'm being honest, over the years I think his eye has strayed. He was in the Navy and I know he cheated on his ex-wife, even before he cheated with me.
"He's never given me a reason to suspect infidelity. I know he's had harmless crushes and even a 'work wife' but that never much bothered me because he always remained devoted to me. We got to be really good friends with the work wife. He never stayed out late at night, never hid his phone or emails, never exhibited any 'cheater' behavior. If he cheated and I don't know about it, I don't care. I'm not going to go look for trouble. I'm not jealous or suspicious by nature.
"We made our marriage our #1 priority. No matter what we will remain husband and wife till death do us part. Divorce is not an option." — Redditor Maxwyfe
"We both learned valuable lessons in that ordeal…"
"I was technically the 'other woman' and sometimes I still feel terrible about it. At the time, I felt justified because she was a s----- person and treated him like absolute garbage. She stole from him, she lied, she was the literal incarnation of the 'crazy girlfriend' before her boyfriend even began wandering away from her. He wanted so badly to stay with her, because they'd known one another since kindergarten, but as time went on he began realizing how toxic she already was and how much worse his affair with me was making it.
"Twelve years later we're married with a baby on the way and I don't worry about it at all. We both learned valuable lessons in that ordeal and I don't expect that he'll pull the same thing now as we're older, more mature and the circumstances are quite different." — Redditor CycloneCowgirl
"He realized he was in too deep with both of us."
"I was unknowingly the 'other woman' for a year and he says during that year I became his #1 and his ex (who he was with for six years) started to become the 'other woman.' I thought they had an inappropriate ex relationship while we were dating, but we became exclusive and then labeled the relationship and the whole time he was with his ex.
"They broke up right before we met, but got back together while we were casually seeing each other. He realized he was in too deep with both of us, but couldn't break it off with either of us.
"It finally came to a head when we met at an event and I discovered the ex wasn't an ex but another current gf. I dumped him on the spot and went no contact, but he tracked me down and after a few months of talking and work we got back together. He explained during that year I went from the other to the main. He had a lot of trouble letting the ex go, but said I was the one he wants to be with and he'd do whatever it takes.
"We had some problems even after we got back together until they went no contact six months later. I definitely have worries, about women he knows and about this ex if he should ever run into her again, though less so with the ex since it seemed like a very codependent but miserable relationship.
"I stop my mind from wandering by 1) communicating with my bf about anything that bothers me (this whole experience really left it's mark), calmly and early on, and 2) this is a work in progress but controlling my imagination. The worst has already happened and I survived, if it happens again I'd survive." — Redditor win2day
"I pursued him."
"I was the other woman only briefly. I was also the one who instigated it, I pursued him, not the other way around. Two days after we had sex he broke up with his ex, who he was going to break up with anyway (which sounds like a convenient excuse but he has proof of his intentions) and we have been together ever since. He told me about his girlfriend the day he broke up with her and acknowledged that he was coming into this with a strike against him. I have always been worried about it happening again, but he has been very transparent and understanding of this fear.
"He makes me so unbelievably happy and I'm so glad I met him, which makes the anxiety worth it." — Redditor slutsofsunsetvalley
"It got better with time."
"First off, I don't really think of myself as the 'other' woman, at least in the cheating sense; we never did anything physical while they were dating, I didn't even know he had a girlfriend for the first month of knowing him. However the ex will tell the whole world that he cheated on her with me for years, which is stupid because I had only known him for a few months before he broke up with her.
"Anyways at the beginning of our relationship, I was super insecure about our relationship. I'm insecure about everything, and his past with leading me on, telling me that he loved me and not her but never breaking up with her for two months and such didn't help with my insecurities. I was constantly worried I wasn't good enough and I didn't deserve him. I was worried that she would come back and manipulate him back into that toxic relationship. I was worried that on the nights we didn't spend together, she'd come over and they'd have sex. The list continues. In my defense he dumped her after the first month of meeting me, but called him and begged and manipulated him to let her move in with him because their only issue was the distance, and he caved ... it broke my heart.
"All I can say is it got better with time, we spend many nights apart and for the most part I don't worry about it. Sometimes my mind will wander and I wonder if she's at his house with him, etc.
"I worry that he will find someone else when he switches jobs and he'll put me through the same bs and chicken out of breaking up with me. But after a while, these worries have occurred less and less. I do feel like he loves me and I do feel like he'll be honest with me if he does end up finding someone. I usually try to keep myself busy when I'm alone so that I don't think about things and let my mind wander and run thousands of different scenarios of him screwing me over in the end." — Redditor withyouilostmyself
"I never stopped wondering. I never trusted him."
"So, without knowing it I was 'the other woman' in the very typical fashion. He told me that his ex was bat-s--- and would show up to his house randomly. Long story short I found out that I was the one he cheated on her with. By her finally contacting me on Facebook telling me everything. They lived together, nothing was wrong, he told her he was at a friends house just thinking things over. He told her that yes, i was a girl. But I had a boyfriend that he heard having sex with every night while he slept on the couch, even though it was him that the noises were coming from.
"I never stopped wondering. I never trusted him. And rightfully so, turns out while I was visiting him once a week (because he was on restriction in the military) bringing him home cooked meals, cartons of cigs, drinks, snacks — anything to get him through the week — he was cheating on me. With not one, not two, not five BUT SIX OTHER WOMEN.
"When I caught him his excuse was he had been planning on proposing to me and asking other girls for help. I used his phone account to see what he was really doing. He lived with me. He swore to my mother nothing happened.
"Ladies, trust your gut. If you have a dream of him cheating — he probably is." — Reese1993
"When we hit the one year anniversary, they had been together almost six months."
"I was 'the other woman' for my ex. Spent most of our relationship being worried that she would leave me for someone else. And she did. We're still best of friends but when we hit one year anniversary they had been together almost 6 months. That was kinda painful to behold." — Redditor Karuta
"You start with the flaws first."
"I was the other woman. He was in a six-year relationship. I instigated knowingly, although very drunkenly. We became very good friends who also slept together. He would ask me about how to fix his clearly failing relationship, which he wasn't emotionally ready to finish (she was his first everything). I would give advice, but prod and ask why he was still with her.
"Gradually, I fell hopelessly in love, despite assuming it would never happen to me. I told him and he confessed the same. I moved away for an internship later that week. I wrote him a heartbreaking goodbye letter which spelled out my feelings and wishing him all the best in his future endeavors. They broke up a week later for reasons unrelated to me. He came crawling back to me and I told him he should f--- around while I'm gone and figure out what he wants. I was hedging my bets he wouldn't find anyone better than me for him. He slept with 15 women that year. Five of them were throwing themselves at him for relationships. And I was right. He came back to me because none of those girls were right for him.
"One of the few benefits of starting a relationship as the other woman is you start with the flaws first. You know they're a cheater and they know you're willingly complicit. You see the mastery of their lying and the way they manipulate the room. He knew I was juggling three other men on the side (I wasn't in a serious relationship, but none knew about any of the others except for him). For the first time in any relationship I've ever had, I can be completely honest, because he will not judge me for it.
"We've been together for several years. In the beginning I was insecure about him not leaving her for me — was I not better than she was? I came to terms with it when I realized he was floundering because he had fallen victim to the sunk cost fallacy. I trust him completely. I know he's got my back the way I have his. That being said, fidelity is not paramount to the relationship. My self-esteem isn't contingent on whether or not he is faithful to me, because I know he is with me for more reasons than just my good looks and awkward charm. Additionally, I have the Bubbles philosophy of if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it's yours. So if he does leave me for another woman, I guess he was never mine in the first place." — Redditor pecanpode
"I wish it didn't start the way it did."
"It's really tough. I trust my boyfriend, I really do. But there is that nagging voice in the back of my head sometimes that says I'm an idiot. The way we started certainly wasn't ideal, I regret a lot of it but I love him. I wish it didn't start the way it did, but it led us to the relationship we have today and I always remind myself of that when I get that feeling. He loves me, and I love him. What he did was bad, and I was bad as well in participating in it, but it's not who we are. We made a terrible decision and I know based on the guilt we felt that it's not something either of us would want to do again." — Redditor britneyspearce
"He was just trying to teach her a lesson about taking him for granted."
"Horrible. He didn't mention it at all, we hung out and texted all the time, had a lot of fun together, then blocks me one day on Instagram and doesn't call or text me back.
"Turns out he had a girlfriend all this time and he was just trying to teach her a lesson about 'taking him for granted' so he ignored her for three months while he dated me. She doesn't know he went off and dated other people I bet since I found her IG account and they seem really happy and she posts all these things defending her man. He wasn't really all that, and I feel horrible because as a girl, I would want to know if my bf of four years was pulling some shady stuff like that, but she also doesn't seem like the type to listen to some random girl message her on IG.
"Felt horrible to feel played like that though." — Redditor BebeGene
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Back With Ex After the Other Woman Success Stories
Source: https://www.insider.com/i-was-the-other-woman-reddit-2018-5
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